Death Note Rewrite (Crackish)
by We Both Just Lost The Game
Summary: How Death Note REALLY went... (not really)
1. The Part That Is The First Part

Death Note Rewrite (This is slightly crack, also contains lame jokes regarding Light being gay)

**Authors note: Please Read!**

**You guys get to vote for the ending! In the review section, state whether you want L to win, Light to win, or something else to happen...**

_Part 1: Bigtime Boredom._

Light Yagami was sitting in class, pondering whether he should sign up for dance or ballet. They both had there upsides, he thought. Suddenly, a notebook fell from the sky! Light decided to investigate. He read the cover...

"Death Note! What does it say inside?"

"The human whose username is written is this notebook... shall die!"

_Part 2: The death of a troll..._

**This human whose username is written is this notebook shall die.**

"This notebook is totally B.S! Imma check out my facebook page."

Light browsed his facebook page, only to find negative reviews on his appearance.

"I can't believe darkwing22 would call MY shoes old-fashioned! I spent 60 bucks on those!"

Light continued to whine.

"I'll just write this guys name down to vent my frustration. I mean, it's not like he'll actually die, right?"

_Part 3: I guess I murdered someone..._

**This note will not take effect unless the writer has the persons profile picture in their mind while writing.**

Light Yagami arrived to his school the next morning. He started a conversation with his "BFF" Tony. Tony brought up his friend, Max.

"Dude, I heard Max died yesterday! Like his heart attacked him or something..."

Light was surprised.

"What! Where did you hear that?!"

"His facebook page, man. Ya know. The guy that would make you feel bad about your appearance and stuff?"

"Oh crap I think I killed someone."

"Man, what did you say, Light, man?"

"Oh, nothing."

_Part 4: Juuuuust to make sure..._

**This note will not work on Homestuck blogs.**

Light was in his bedroom, thinking about the incident.

"Ya know, it was probably a coincidence! But juuuuust to make sure..."  
**40 seconds later, somewhere in Tenneseee...**

"Hueua! I'm totally pwning this Light guy in Halo right n- AUCK!"

Back in Japan...

Light was convinced now.

"I knew it was fake!"

_Part 5: That's another person I killed..._

**For maximun effiecency, use fire to kill the trolls.**

Light Yagami woke up. He was a little upset.

"Right in the middle of my dream about Zac Efron!"

Light picked up the morning newspaper.

_Teen Has Heart Attack While Playing Halo!_

_Researchers try to find a way to blame the video game industry for this coincidence. _

"Oh god! I killed 2 people! I have to get rid of this notebook! Wait... NO!"

"An internet without trolls is a good thing! Finally we will be at peace on the web! This is a purpose given to MEEE!"

"Light, dear, what are you yelling about?"

"Nothing, mom!"

_Part 6: That's what Shinigami said!_

**If the cause of death is written, it will happen**.

Light was laughing evilly, murdering people, having a grand old time.

"Hello, I'm Ryuk." said a creepy figure.

Again, Light was surprised.

"Huaaaraahgaahaa! I'm not surprised to see you at all, Ryuk."

"But you just-"

"Shut up."

"Well, anyway.. I'm here about that notebook." said Ryuk

"Yeah, I know. It kills people. And it's MINE!" Light hugged the notebook.

"Well, actuallly, it's mine. But I'll let you keep it, and all you have to do is let me stalk you."

"Ok I'm game."

_Part 7: Attention ICPO!_

**Added points for irony**

"Attention ICPO! There have been a recent string of murders lately!"

"Thanks, Captain Obvious!"

"All in a days work!" Captain Obvious flew off to save the day again.

"Now let's focus on that whole Kira thing."

A man in a dark suit approached, opened a laptop, and left.

CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED

"No! I left my porn open!" The man came back and fixed the laptop. A large L was shown on the screen.

"Whose that?" asked Matsuda

"That's L. He's a detective. He likes candy." said Soichiro Yagami.

"Oh ok."

"Shut up, you dang fools! L's about to talk!" said the man in the suit

And L did talk. And he said something... shocking.

_Part 8: L is for Learning_

**Bacon plus anything = amazing**

L spoke.

"Greetings, ICPO. I am L."

"Aye! We knew that!" yelled an ICPO member

"Man, shut up! Time for some learning! As you know, this Kira has been killing people on the internet. We have to stop him. I have a plan."

"What's your plan, L?" asked Matsuda

"I'm gonna ask him to murder me."

"Solid plan."

"But first, something else..."

"You don't mean..." Soichiro Yagami was shocked

"Yes" said L.

"Compared to Kira, you are all n00bs."

"How... how dare you."


	2. The Part Where he Kills You (not really)

_Chapter 2: The Part Where he Kills You (not really)_

_Part 1: Twerkit no longer!_

**Any plot holes are from laziness, not lack of detail.**

All was well at the Yagami house. Well, not everything, because there was a murderer there, but it had a calm feel to it. Anyway, Light was watching his favorite show, Happy Tree Friends. But his television violence was interrupted.

"We interrupt this program to bring you an important message from the ICPO."

Light was a little interested.

"Huh? What's this? A man showed upon the screen. The man spoke.

"Hello. I am L, otherwise known from my Youtube channel... 69twerkit69."

"This is L?" Light was very interested now...

"Kira! I know you've been killing trolls on the Internet!"

"Duh. Everyone knows that about me. I mean, there's blogs and stuff." Stated Light.

L spoke up again.

"But what you're doing is eviiill!" L gave a little smirk, though no one could see it.

"I'm evil? No I'm not! I'll kill you!" Light contradicted himself a little, although he didn't care. He wrote 69twerkit69 in the Death Note. And 40 seconds later...

"Augrrahagh!" Twerkit died.

_Part 2: You Done Goofed._

**If you make this Note unusable by burning it or tearing it, your Shinigami will probably be pissed.**

"Hehehe I killed someone!" Light was giddy, but not for long. The screen flashed to show the letter L. A man spoke.

"Haha! You're a dumbass, Kira! You fell for my trap!"

"A trap? Who is this guy?"

"The guy you just killed wasn't L! I'm L! And you're in Japan!" L felt pretty good about this.

The task force was also impressed, but they aren't important enough for a scene swap.

"You see, this broadcast was shown only in Japan, so now I know where you are!"

Ryuk decided to speak up.

"You done goofed, Light!"

But Light wasn't in the mood.

"SHUT UP!"

"Listen, Kira. Listen very, very carefully as to what I am about to say. You're evil and you suck!"

Light disagreed.

"I suck? I am justice! I protect the Internet from trolls and hackers! I make the Internet a safer place for righteous people because I AM GOD! And all that would appose me... are n00bs!" Now it was L's turn for a speech.

"This is an atrocious act of murder! Kira, wherever you are, whoever you are, I will find you, and eliminate you. I am Justice!"

The screen turned off.

The battle began.

_Part 3: I Spy With My Shinigami Eye_

**Shinigami Eyes allow you to see a persons username, lifespan, and profile picture when you see that persons face.**

Ryuk wanted some entertainment.

"Hey Light, wanna know something cool?"

"I don't really care, Ryuk." Light was busy plotting as usual.

"Light, if you don't listen, I'll post those pictures of you doing-"

"O.k fine I'm listening!"

"Do you wanna know how us Shinigami know the usernames of humans?"

"Not really..."

"I'm about to click submit, Light..."

"Fine! Tell me."

"It's our Shinigami eyes. They let you see a person's name, lifespan, and profile picture."

"Can a human get these eyes, Ryuk?"

"Yes! All you have to do is give me half of your remaining life. Which is probably like 2 years anyway."

"In that case, no."

Ryuk was sad.

_Part 4: The Reveal_

**You can write in the notebook with blood and such, but if you're in that situation, you're probably boned anyway.**

_Meanwhile at the ICPO..._

"I don't really trust L anymore! He called us n00bs!" said Soichiro

"Neither do I! To gain his trust, we should-" Matsuda got cut off

"No one likes your plans, Matsuda!" yelled Soichiro.

"I know!" said Aizawa. "To gain his trust, we should meet him in person!"

"Great idea, Aizawa!"

"But, that's what I was going to say!" protested Matsuda.

"Shut up Matsuda, you're too stupid to think of a plan like that."

Matsuda was promptly bashed with a frying pan.

"It's settled then." said Soichiro. "We're going to set up a meeting with L!"

L spoke through Watari's laptop.

"Yes. I agree. We should have a meeting."

"Oh my god he read our minds! Quick, get the tin foil hats!" yelled Soichiro

"No. This laptop has been on for about an hour. I'm almost out of battery."

"Shut up with your muggle technology! Matsuda, the hats!"

There were no tin foil hats. None at all. Soichiro had gone mad.

L chimed in.

"Anyway, let's meet up tomorrow."

"Great! We're all exited about coming!" said the enthusiastic Matsuda.

"That's what she said! Ahhaha! I'm a detective and a comedian! Hehehe bye."

The laptop turned off.


End file.
